This i kurts suicide note..........
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true . I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage . I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full of love and joy , kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Pleas keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
Kurt Cobain Biography
Kurt Donald Cobain was born on the 20th of February 1967 in Aberdeen, which is located about 120 kilometres Southwest of Seattle in the state Washington. He grew up in a mid class society and was hyperactive as a child, as a result he was prescribed a morphine based drug to help him concentrate in school. The drug often kept him awake until 4am in the morning so he was given sedatives to be able to get some sleep.
Kurt had a happy childhood, until he was seven years old when his parents got divorced. It was an ordinary divorce, but Kurt got very upset about it. He became shy and difficult to cope with. The years after the divorce Kurt moved back and forth from his parents. In the end his parents did not want anything to do with him so he had to move in at some relatives. This period of his life is also reflected in his lyrics, e.g. in Sliver.
Kurt did not like school, he felt lonely and lost. He liked to paint and sing, but the other boys were more into football and stuff like that. Most of the girls liked Kurt and he spent much time with them. The boys wanted to hang out with Kurt to come closer to the girls, but Kurt hated the guts of those macho boys. Kurt felt more like a girl rather than a boy and has later told: "I'm a heterosexual . . . big deal. But if I was a homosexual, it wouldn't matter either."
Until Kurt was nine years old he only listened to The Beatles and The Monkees, but in -79 his father joined a record-club and he started to listen to music like Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Kiss. He also started to listen to British alternative rock like Sex Pistols and The Clash.
2nd of February 1981, on Kurts 14th birthday, he bought his first guitar. And in the years to follow he tried to create his own music style and started to hang out in the Seattle underground, where he was roadie for a band called Melvins.
In May 1985 a few weeks before graduation Kurt dropped out of school and started to work. He had a few jobs but it was never a success, and he never held on to a job for that long.
Nirvana was started in 1986 of Kurt Cobain and Krist Novaselic. Kurt played the guitar and sang while Krist played bass-guitar. After a few attempts with some different drummers they weret satisfied until they where introduced to Dave Grohl by the vocalist of the Melvins, which became the new drummer of Nirvana. They made their first demo in 1988 and it didnt take long until their first single was released. Already the next year they released their first album,
Bleach. This album cost a total of 600$ to record, which isnt so much. They then started to tour in the U.S. and later that same year they had their first European concert in Newcastle, England.
The following year they released a new single without very much success. By now Nirvana thought they had got an unfair welcome in the industry, and they decided to change record company from Sub-Pop records to Geffen records. In 1991 they signed a contract with Geffen records and started to produce their next album which was to be named Nevermind.
September 24th the same year Nevermind was released and debuts as number 144 on the hit lists, but after an interview on MTVs Headbangers Ball and an appearance on NBCs Saturday Night Live the album climbs right to the top spot whit their hit song "Smells like teen spirit".
Kurt had never expected to be so popular and did not even like the idea of being a main stream rocker. He hated the commercial part of Nirvana and had several times encouraged the audience to stop buying their records and to stop coming to their concerts. Kurt thought most of the fans were false fans and only liked their hit single "Smells like teen spirit". In this period Nirvana mostly played arena rock shows and this wasnt the way they liked to play. They
preferred to play in small clubs where the energy gets more intense and intimate. But because of their bad habit to crush guitars, amps and so, they had to do the arena rock shows because of the money. Kurt also started to use heavy drugs more often in this period, such as heroin and morphine. At this point Kurt described himself as suicidal.
24th of January 1992, Kurt got married to the former stripper Courtney Love in Wakiki, Hawaii. She is now known for her band Hole and is also doing a god job in the film industry, The People vs Larry Flint, whatever. Six months after they got married they had a child, Frances Bean. When Courtney was pregnant there were big (?????) in the press which claimed she was using heroin while she was pregnant with Frances. Courtney, of course, denied all of this,
but she did not deny that she was using heroin. She claims she stopped using heroin that instant she got to know she was pregnant.
The other members of Nirvana hoped Kurt would calm down now that he had a wife and kid This was also the fact, for a while. In this period they recorded a new album, Incesticide. This album was supposed to "get rid off" all the false fans which they got under the Nevermind success, with the more peculiar sound which reminded some of the Bleach days and some of the tracks were even supposed to be on Bleach. They succeeded in this.
In the beginning of 1993 they recorded what was to be their last studio recorded album, In Utero. This album was recorded in two weeks, but wasnt released for another six months, due the work-title "I Hate Myself And I Want To Die. This title reflects the fact of Kurt being suicidal.
When Kurt was on a seminar in July 1993 he overdosed on heroin. Courtney injected him with an illegal drug to save him. Later that same day he went on stage and played a concert, no one noticed anything. From now Kurts drug abuse was starting to get out of hand. Courtney threatened several times to divorce him if he did not get treatment for his abuse. He agreed to get treatment for his abuse, but didnt last long at the rehab centre. He later escaped from this centre although it was voluntary. He said this was a place for retards or something. It wasnt a proper place for him to be.
In the beginning of 1993 Nirvana played an MTV unplugged concert, and they played what was to be their final concert in Munich 29th Mars 1994. One week later Kurt was hospitalised in a coma. The next day he awoke and asked for a milkshake. After a few days he left the hospital by his own will. Kurt disappears after this and is reported missing by his wife. She also hires a private investigator to trace him, she fears that he might show up dead.
8th of April 1994 Kurt was found dead in his own house, of what appeared to be a shotgun blast to his head three days earlier. Two days after there were a memorial where Courtney read a part from his suicide note. Kurt had said earlier that same year that he never expected to reach the age of 30. Unfortunately he was right. He became a rock legend like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison. They all became 27.
Later that year their unplugged in NY was released, and this album got great response although it was weird to hear Nirvana without their distorted guitars.
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